Three months ago about this time I was sitting at the funeral home making arrangements for John's funeral. He had passed away earlier in the day.
Three months - seems so much longer than that.
Allow me to remember.....
I always got yellow roses on my birthday, Mother's Day and our anniversary.
This August would have been our 47th year. It's hard to imagine being married to my love for that length of time.
How he loved his Bella. I had so much trouble with her right after John passed. She wouldn't eat and until only a few days ago, she had not gone into his bedroom where he passed.
The Vet said animals grieve just like humans and it was all part of the grieving process. But, she is doing much better.
I dread Valentine's Day, my birthday and then our anniversary later.
I always planted the flowers and then just left them to John to take care. Will I plant flowers this year? I don't know yet.
How he loved doing things with Laynee. We went to this horse show I think, three times in one week. Just so she could see the horses. I know he would have done the same thing for the twins but, I don't think they will remember him. That makes me sad.
I didn't go to our Christmas party (aka the Bronzer Party) this year. It was just too soon. I will go next year.
This is my favorite picture of John and I. Of course, we were a little younger but it is still my favorite.
Thanks for letting me share this day with you. So many of you have been so kind and I have appreciated your prayers and love.
Thank you.
Thank you God for giving me 46 years of true love with my John and having so many precious memories.
"The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not 'get over' the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but, you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same, nor would you want to."
-Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and John Kessler
Judy
Oh, Judy, I just can't imagine how you have gotten along after John's passing. He sounds like he was a wonderful man and he would have to be to be married to you! I love the sweet pictures you've shared with us. You look so darling in your wedding picture and I would have known that was you because of your pretty smile! That hasn't not changed. You're in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Shelia
Dearest Judy, these photos are simply lovely and tell the story of a love that was deep and true. That love will go on forever. The quote from Kubler-Ross is one I have read many times and it is so true. Though John is not here on this earth with you anymore, he IS with you, of that I am sure.
ReplyDeleteBut all of that doesn't really help, does it? Know that we understand. And we're here for you.
You are loved, Judy Clark.
xo
Claudia
Some tears and many hugs for you today Judy.
ReplyDeleteLove Joy
Judy, I will type this thru tears.. Thank you for sharing this with us. You know you have many friends in the blog world. We can send you hugs and prayers. Hope it helps. Blessings to you and Bella. xoxo,Susie
ReplyDeleteLove you...thinking of you....praying about you....XO
ReplyDeleteHoping each day brings you more peace during this time...
ReplyDeletewarmly,
deb
Judy, this is such a bittersweet time for you. So many wonderful memories of your beloved husband and also so much sadness at his loss. Sending you lots of hugs dear friend.
ReplyDeleteLinda
Hugs for you today and everyday. Maybe just a little flower garden with some yellow roses as a memory garden. I know at the school where I worked a little girl died unexpectedly. The elementary school made a little memory garden with a bench. The children would go and just think about their friend. I know that he was a wonderful husband. I can tell just by your words.
ReplyDeleteJohn was a good looking man and you made a beautiful couple. I wish you and Bella the best healing possible, and someday, when the time is right, a meeting for eternity in a place where there is no sorrow or tears. Bella too, of course!
ReplyDeleteOh Judy, bless your heart. I am sending you a big hug.
ReplyDeleteMeredith
This is a beautiful remembrance of your happy times together, and I see how hard it is for you as you miss your dear husband. I pray for healing for you.
ReplyDeleteA lovely tribute to your husband.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful post and a touching tribute to John. Thank you for sharing all your memories and wonderful pictures.
ReplyDeleteJudy, You are in my heart and prayers. Such memories of your time together. Those little ones will help with the healing watching them grow. I shed a few tears for you tonight as I typed this. Blog land friends are truly special in time of need in our lives. A wonderful tribute to your other half. Many Hugs and Prayers from Your Missouri Friend Shirley
ReplyDeleteJudy, I had no idea.....so sad to hear of John's passing. I will say a prayer for him and for you.
ReplyDeleteI love reading stories that your share about your John. It's those treasures memories that we are grateful to hold dear forever! You will rebuild around and through the loss and your heart will be strengthened for it all! Blessings, Cindy xoxo
ReplyDeleteJudy,
ReplyDeleteSending prayers....I did not know of John's passing.
This is a special post, very touching.
xx oo
Carla
My heart is heavy. I just can't imagine what you have been going through...who could unless they have lost their best friend of over 47 years? I really loved seeing these pictures, Judy. It makes me see how wonderful your relationship with John was. And the quote...simply beautiful.
ReplyDeleteAll my love,
Jane
What a beautiful touching post.
ReplyDeletehugs,
Cindy
Judy
ReplyDeleteI've not been blogging lately and only just read of the loss of your dear John.
I'm so sorry and will remember you in my prayers. I've found your closing quote
to be definitely true.
Dear Judy, blessings to you and loyal Bella. Betty
ReplyDeleteDear Judy, Thank you for sharing your memories and beautiful treasured photos. Yes, 47 years is a life time and yes, I hope you plant those flowers in honor of your beautiful love story.
ReplyDeletePrayers for your heart!
Hugs,
CM
Super sweet pics of you and John. What a treasure to have these special times in pictures to look at and be reminded of the wonderful times you two had. Yep loss never goes away but with time it has a way of making things more tolerable. How could anyone ever recover from such a loss. Recovery is about learning to manage the feelings of profound loss. My prayers and big hugs are with you always Judy.
ReplyDeleteKris
Oh dear friend! I am sending you a big 'ole HUG this morning! You just remember those times and LOVE John always and forever! Yours is a love to last a lifetime and beyond...
ReplyDeleteBless your heart!
ReplyDeleteHi Judy. I just want to thank you for sharing this post with us. Such wonderful memories you have, and the photos of you and John are such treasures. The quote at the end is SO true. I don't think one ever gets over the loss of a loved one. We still grieve for my great-nephew Cole, and always will. He was only 19 when he was killed in 2011 in a car accident. I'll be thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteJudy,
ReplyDeleteThank you for visiting my blog and leaving your endearing message. I am so sorry for your loss. I understand loss, November of 2013 my only child, my son died. With this loss I felt part of myself passed with my son. But I am grateful that Chris left me with grandchildren, because in them my son still lives.
Your husband John is still with you, his energy remains behind and his love lives in your heart. I hope you are able to dream of him.
xo,
Vera
Big hugs for you & Bella.
ReplyDeleteI am shedding tears for you as I read your words, Judy. You and John were a beautiful couple and shared so much love. I'm so sorry you were left alone much too soon. I know you are thankful for those precious 46 years and this post is a beautiful tribute to your beloved.
ReplyDeleteSending you lots of hugs,
Cheryl
I am sorry for your loss of your husband John. I can't imagine your loss of someone you've known and loved for 47 years. I do know the pain of loss, I lost my daughter, Audra, at a very young age. It's so hard to go through life knowing all the things she didn't experience or what we miss together. I am happy you have some many wonderful memories with John, these memories will help you heal and remember. John is with you, maybe not psychically but surely spiritually. Your photos will keep you both closer.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you, and sending big hugs your way...
ReplyDeleteHow blessed you and John were to have so many loving years. My oldest son died in June of 2013 and some days it still seems as if it were today; other days I am fine. The quote you shared is so true -- some part of me has changed in ways I cannot verbalize but my heart and soul know. The memories are precious and the knowledge that I will see him again in the resurrection brings me great comfort.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful post, Judy. The quote at the end is very true...my DIL lost a four month old baby a few years back and some days it still cuts her like a knife.
ReplyDeleteYou are a beautiful couple...such wonderful pictures and memories. I am so sorry for your pain / how you must miss him.
I am so sorry, the more we love the more it hurts. Sending prayers and hugs.
ReplyDeleteThis post broke my heart...I actually read it last night and even showed it to Brian - but I just couldn't comment yet. I was feeling a little too tender. I am aware of loss more acutely since my son, Phil passed away 5+ years ago...and even though Brian and I are still "young", I know that we are never guaranteed another day. My mom was only 58 when my dad passed away. Brian and I have been married 30 years and especially now that we are empty nesters, he is my rock. I can't imagine life without him and when I think about it, it makes me ill. I just try and focus on the here and now - the everyday that he is with me and to enjoy every (well, almost every, lol) moment together. Big hugs and lots of love to you, Judy. May God bless you and keep you in His loving care.
ReplyDeleteJudy, what beautiful pictures and memories you have shared with us. The other day a pretty little yellow butterfly flew around me outside, and I just knew it was my mom letting me know she is here for me. I think we are visited often by them, sometimes we just have to look for it.
ReplyDeleteJudy - Thank you for being strong and sharing so many of your moments with us. I lost my beloved husband and best friend on my birthday in 2000. He was in the best shape of his life at 46 - and the next minute he was gone. We had no children but our best baby Smitty, a domestic short-hair cat. Smitty was definitely Dave's cat, and spent the first three weeks after he passed howling at the door waiting for him to come home. I lost dear Smitty last year at the age of 20. It does get easier to go on as time passes but things are never the same. Like you, I always received yellow roses for any and all occasions. I just wanted you to know, even though we've never met, I keep you in my heart and think of you daily. You will survive - just remember that John is always with you in spirit.
ReplyDeleteHugs. xx
ReplyDeleteThat's such a beautiful quote at the end. It's hard to face alone... those special times ahead. I always keep you in my prayers. I know you have faith and you are very strong. Sweet hugs, Diane
ReplyDeleteThat quote is so true...Judy, sending you big hugs, and warm thoughts.
ReplyDeleteJen
Sweet Judy,
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely collection of photos and words of your beloved John and you; the perfect couple, if there ever was one. Such togetherness, and tenderness, and a complete connection. You were blessed to have experienced such devotion and faithfulness and love. Thank you for sharing your personal photos with us. Thinking of you, across the pond.
Hugs,
Poppy
I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved husband, John. I know all too well how the grief piles on and on. I lost my husband, after a year and a half battle with pancreatic cancer, on December 26. He got helplessly ill the week before Thanksgiving. So Thanksgiving and Christmas are forever ruined for me. And I dread Valentine's Day, anniversaries, etc. too. I finally cleaned out the flowerbeds today and cried buckets. Neighbors walked on by, ignoring my grief. And I shake my head in wonderment about how people seem to no longer care about others.
ReplyDeleteWell, I didn't mean to go on and on about my problems. i'll shut up now. Please hold tight to those precious memories. God bless you and you heal and adapt to a new chapter in your life. I will keep you in my prayers.
Judy, I just lost my husband of 41 years on Jan 3rd. Our thing was also yellow roses. Our little dog, Graci, was so sick last Saturday that I took her to the emergency animal clinic. They kept her overnight and ran a bunch of tests and did X-rays . They gave her an
ReplyDeleteIV to get fluids in her. They could not determine the problem. I wonder if she too is grieving. This is the hardest thing I have ever experienced and I could just not bear the thought of losing her too. But...God is faithful and gives me comfort. I wish we lived near one another, it would be a comfort.
So sorry about the loss of your husband. It is such an adjustment, isn't it? If you would want to email me, I would be delighted. My email is tt2jclark@sbcglobal.net.
ReplyDeletePraying peace for you and Graci.
Judy
I am sorry for your loss of John. You are so lucky to have loved each other.
ReplyDeleteHi Judy, I'm just catching up with you today. Thank you for visiting me today. I'm so sorry to learn of your loss, the love of your life. I imagine this week will be difficult for you. I'll be thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteJudy, I ran across your blog from a Pinterest pin and have spent the last couple of hours reading past posts - especially the ones about your husband's illness and death. I just said a prayer for you to have peace and comfort and for God to ease your grief as only He can. I feel that I know you even though we've never met. I count you as a friend now.
ReplyDelete